Breaking Free of Bad Habits
Have you ever tried to break yourself of a bad habit? More powerful than a bad habit, have you ever tried to free yourself from an addiction? I have. Have you tried to stop many times? I did, too. I would swear to myself that I would quit and the next thing you know, I’d have an emotional moment or a drink and I’d break my promise.
That would start the vicious cycle of self-sabotage/self-loathing all over again. I would then find myself worse off (emotionally and spiritually) than before I even made the attempt to quit.
Bad habits and addictions zap our ability to move forward in life. Since this is the time of year for resolutions, it’s the perfect time to give it up!
So after more than 20 years of smoking, I finally quit. Sounds easy to say now, but the reality is far from it. Smoking took up way too much of my life. I couldn’t do certain tasks without a cigarette. I wouldn’t go anywhere without them. I made other activities wait until I went somewhere to purchase them.
I didn’t like the way it smelled and the smell was everywhere, on my breath, my clothing, my car, my house; you get the idea. The constancy of the odor became a metaphor for just how deeply smoking had become ingrained in my life, indeed, it had permeated my life. And the really crazy part about all of this? More often than not, I didn’t even enjoy smoking.
So like lots of other people, I tried to quit. Many times. And I always ended up smoking again. Finally, during yet another attempt to quit, I took a smoker’s profile test to see if I could find out what it was that attracted me to smoking in the first place. I learned from it that I was a social smoker, meaning that I mostly smoked when I was with other people.
This information was like striking gold because I saw for the first time how I didn’t have the courage to decline a smoke offered by a friend for fear that they wouldn’t like me anymore. Our human connection was partly bonded through our smoking experience; would there still be a connection if I took that bond away?
One day as I was having a smoker’s coughing spell, I suddenly heard the words of one of my mentors: “If you want to be a leader you have to give up the need to be right.” It was one of those moments when I knew I had heard a personal truth because of how it resonated in my soul.
I repeated the words to myself once again and decided at that moment that I had to give up my people pleasing ways because I saw clearly just how destructive it was. Not only was I risking my health by smoking, but I was also letting my perception of what others might or might not think about me be the barometer by which I made all my life decisions.
To this day, that moment remains an indelible mark on my brain. That was the day I decided to put myself in charge of my life.
That doesn’t mean it was all down hill from there. I still had the withdrawal symptoms to deal with. For me, the power of prayer took them all away. Solid scientific research has been done on prayer and the startling results showing measurable and reproducible benefits that can’t be explained by any traditional scientific understanding. 12-step programs also claim the belief in a power greater than self as the bedrock of their programs.
Not only is there documented evidence about the benefits of prayer, but my own experience with it makes me highly recommend it for help with letting go of self-destructive habits.
In addition to the withdrawal, I also had to substitute healthier activities for my old habits and learn how to deal with people being unhappy about my decision(s). Leaders make decisions. When you are a decision maker you must realize that many people will call that decision wrong.
Look at the president of the United States. No matter who’s in office, half of the people will disagree with whatever decision is made. Look around. Few people are willing to step up to a leadership position but they are the ones who endure the brunt of public criticism.
The day I decided to take charge of my life I stopped trying to fit in with the status quo. I became the leader of my own life. I decided that it was okay to make my own decisions, okay to be wrong, okay if others didn’t like my decisions, and okay if I lost a few smoking buddies as a result. What I gained was so much bigger than all of that. Plus, I haven’t had a cigarette since!
What do you need to be right about? What bad habit do you need to give up? Are you willing to give up relationships that are held together by bad habits? I AM!
Action ~ realize that you are a person of CHOICE, one who can choose to do what is right for yourself. Remember that even those who claim to love us have their own reasons for wanting us to stay in our comfort zone.
After you’ve made the decision to be the leader in your own life, pray. Pray for freedom from your destructive habit and strength to withstand the pressure of the void. You’ll be glad you did.
Diann S. Cannon, ACC is a certified Business and Personal Coach for independent professionals and small business owners. She is also a successful corporate speaker and facilitator. Contact Diann at diann@signalscoach.com or visit her website at http://www.signalscoach.com.
The Secret to Real Confidence
Sometimes the best secrets are hidden in plain sight. When it comes to developing confidence, there is one “secret shortcut” that took me years to understand, but it’s so painfully obvious that I want to kick myself sometimes for not being aware of it all along. The “secret” I want to tell to you about is acceptance.
Understanding the importance of acceptance requires a little creative thinking. It is important to remember that confidence is never an “all or nothing” situation. We all have confidence to some degree, but it is a fact that some people have much more that than others. It is also a fact, that no matter how low your self-esteem may be right now, you do have some confidence. So it’s a sliding scale, and just for the sake of argument, let’s say that the confidence scale goes from one to ten, with one being least confident and ten being supremely confident.
To further make this point, let’s say that right now your confidence level is a three on this scale, and your friend’s confidence is a six on the same scale. Now, it’s obvious that your friend is twice as confident as you, but at the same time his confidence level is still only a six out of ten, so it certainly could be a lot higher and your friend is very aware of this.
Now here is where the power of acceptance comes into the picture. Imagine that your friend, whose confidence level is a six, feels very bad about himself because his confidence isn’t higher. But let’s say that, unlike your friend, you understand that your confidence level is low, but you feel OK about that, and you’re not judging yourself because of it. In effect, you are saying “my confidence level “is what it is” and I feel perfectly comfortable with that.”
Now, who is going to be perceived as being more confident, you or your friend? YOU ARE! Every single time. Because if you accept your confidence level (no matter what it is) and are perfectly comfortable with it, you are going to come across as much more confident than your friend who does not accept his confidence level. You see how this works?
Another way of saying this would be, no matter what your confidence level is, accepting it and being comfortable with it will instantly make you more confident! Are you having an “aha” moment yet? I know I did when i first began to really “get” this idea. And the irony is, this is such a simple idea. Nevertheless, I overlooked this critical point for many years. Maybe you have too…
But once you understand the importance of acceptance, you can use this knowledge to immediately boost your confidence. All you need to do is begin where you are right now and make it a point to accept your current situation and your current level of confidence. Do NOT feel frustrated with yourself or your situation. Begin with a good feeling about where you are right now at this very minute. After a day or two of thinking this way, you will definitely notice a difference. When you begin any confidence building program from the point of view of acceptance, you are certain to see greater results in less time.
But be warned, if you begin trying to make changes in your life from a position of frustration, or self disapproval, you will find it much more difficult to create the results you want. Find a way to make peace with yourself and your situation where you are right now. Remember, the key to the whole thing is to start by accepting yourself just as you are right now. You absolutely can do this, and it WILL make a difference. Every single time.
Jon Mercer is a personal development coach and the founder of UltraConfidence.com. To learn how to build real confidence from the “inside-out”, visit http://www.ultraconfidence/
Focus and Concentration Tips: How to Make Your Mind Stay on Track
Gaining focus and maintaining concentration on school, work, or whatever your goal is quite a challenge for most people. Both things however are important if you wish to attain your objectives efficiently and effectively.
Know What You Want.
It is impossible for you to gain focus and concentration if you do not know what you want. Be as specific as possible when describing your goals to yourself. If you know exactly what you want, the better you will be able to focus and concentrate on getting what you want.
Multi-Tasking Are for Computers
And you are not a computer, are you? Since you are not, then do not expect your mind to be able to work like one. Even Einstein had to concentrate on the nuclear bomb exclusively before moving on to something elseless dangerous.
If you wish to be able to accomplish your goal, you need to take things one step at a time.
Divide, Organize, and Conquer.
In relation to doing things one at a time, the best way to gain focus and concentration is by dividing a huge task into smaller sections. Then, you can focus and concentrate on accomplishing one section after another. If you have a project to work on, divide it into sections such as planning, gathering for resources, implementing the changes, and so forth.
If you do it that way, the next thing you know you have already completed the task way before the time allotted for you.
Expect Resistance.
Life is never smooth sailing for anyone in this world, not even for Bill Gates. As such, be prepared beforehand to encounter resistance of sorts to completing your goals. Distraction comes in all shapes and sizes, so it could be anything that would threaten your focus on concentration.
Knowing however that there will be an obstacle to overcome will already help you conquer whatever challenge you are facing and resume your focus and concentration.
Gaining Focus and Concentration Takes Time.
Do not fool yourself into thinking that you will gain instant success the first time you try to follow these tips. Sure, it is possible for that to happen but it is even more possible that it will not. If you have trouble gaining focus and concentration, do not feel worried and give up immediately because what you are going through is normal.
As time passes however, you will see that gaining focus and concentration gets easier every time.
Focus and Concentration are not for Free.
You will always have to give up something to make room for something better. In this case, the price of focus and concentration may just be about anything but its most probably the one thing that causes you the most distraction.
For some, it could be using the telephone during work hours while for some it is their inner struggle for self-confidence.
Do Today What You Can Do Tomorrow.
In simple terms: avoid procrastinating. The earlier you start working on your goals, the better you will be able to gain focus and concentration. If you leave things too late, you will end up being stressed, pressured, and bothered by the ticking deadline. If you work early on the other hand, you will be more able to focus and concentrate because there is nothing else to worry about except to get the job done.
Once you do develop the right habits to be able to gain focus and concentration easily then do not take your ability for granted. Practice, practice, and practice some more!
Be the ideal person you have always dreamed of becoming! Learn how to acquire any trait (happiness, patience, courage, focus) you desire to possess, attain good health and prosperity, and be in total command of your life at the authors website at: http://www.command-and-master-emotions.com
You Are The Architect
To have prosperity in life you must understand the Law of Attraction. Everything in your life was invited, created and attracted by you through your thoughts, words and emotions. You actually Designed Your Life. Some people are not aware of it and are actually kind of scared when they realize that they are responsible for their lives. All of the good and what you might call bad things were attracted to you by you.
We all have conscious choices, but most of us are not aware that we make them. We think that life just happened. We forget that we are creators by nature. That is how our Supreme Being created us. We have to take responsibility for our lives and attract what we desire. We are responsible for our thoughts, our feelings, and for every result we get. If someone does something to us, we are responsible for how we react to the situation. We are in control of all our situations, even if we are out of control, we are responsible for that too.
Once a thought or idea is accepted as truth by our conscious mind, it acts upon those thoughts and beliefs as though it were our reality. We really are the creators or designers of our lives. We are unconsciously creating our lives by default, or we consciously design our lives. All of the things that you think about, speak about, write about, you bring about, whether it is positive or negative. You have to take control of the things that you are creating in your life. We breathe life into all of our thoughts and ideas so we have to be mindful of our thoughts and spoken word.
If you do not like the things that are happening in your life, you have to change your thoughts. That is the only way that you can change your reality. Remember that it is the dominant thought that brings about your reality. To change your thoughts from what is occurring right now in your reality you might have to tell yourself the opposite of what is happening. If you tell yourself a lie long enough it will become your reality. One day when you do not feel so great, yell out at the top of your lungs and wave your hands in the air and say, I Feel Superfantastic. Say it with a smile on your face, even if it is a fake smile. Continue saying it until you feel better. I guarantee that after saying it about five times, you will shake the sticky spirit off that once existed. That is an example of telling yourself a lie or the opposite of how you really feel and the new thoughts or words becoming your reality.
I said all of this to say that you can deliberately choose what you desire or you can allow it to happen by default. You can think that life is a series of random events that you have no control over, or you can take responsibility for your lives and make them happen. If you are tired of just letting things happen, starts slowing down your thought processes enough so that you are not always reacting to situations, but you are responding to them. You actually have a choice in what you are going to think, what you are going to say, and how you are going to respond to events that occur in your life.
Dr. Rorree Tillman is an author, Transformational Life Coach, and Shakti Healer.
She has written Recipe for Prosperity and The Prosperity Formula.
With Dr. Tillman you will manifest your desires, heal emotionally, physically, and financially.
http://www.RorreeTillman.com
Success Can Cause an Adaptation Crisis
Focusing your thoughts to imagine a better life works. For decades I have tested and studied and worked in my own life and with many clients and friends to experience over and over that mind power is effective. Very effective.
You attract more and more of what you focus on. When you use your thoughts to focus it can be laser sharp. When you charge those thoughts with feelings, those feelings can color the manifestation of those thoughts.
Buddha has said that all that we are arises from our thoughts. This article is not about proving that thought power works incredibly. This article is to help you from my extensive experience, For me to help you to realize that WHEN you succeed to apply a method or technique to imagine an improvement in your life it will have an effect. And that effect which is caused by your action will have an impact on you.
That impact is what often is experienced as what I am calling the crisis of change.
The more powerful the results that you realize from your work with mind power to make your dreams come true in real life, the more you are at risk to experience the side effects and dangers of change shock.
Lets take the example of someone who is in a relationship, who applies a technique to visualize and imagine they have a better relationship. Then they meet someone and start a better relationship. And suddenly the old relationship is ending and all the stress and adaptation and fears and insecurities about starting a new relationship are part of the experience of this person we are imagining here.
Or someone imagines that they have a new job. And they get a new job. And that means a whole new adaptation to a whole new situation.
A person who imagines a lot more money, and they get it, and now they have to figure out a new tax situation and relate to people differently and shopping is a new and more demanding experience!
At one time I got a new computer and my idea was to switch from my old computer to my new better faster computer. My imagination to manifest a new computer worked brilliantly. Now I had two computers and imagined working with them both in a whole new setup. It turned out that as much as I liked the new situation it was a lot of work to make the changeover and it took a lot of time and I did not realize how much I had got comfortable with the way I had the old computer set up. Change shock.
The main purpose of my writing this today is so that you can simply realize that change shock exists. So that you prepare for it. So that when you imagine something new and better in your life, you also imagine that the surrounding conditions are supportive and easy. For example when I imagine a new car I imagine that the fuel, and insurance, and parking, and maintenance are all taken care of too.
Jorj Elprehzleinn is a happy spiritual being having a human experience in the material world. His techniques, insights, and assistance in the right use of thought and mind power are based on a lifetime of research and personal experience.
His web site is:
http://www.FocusYourMindonHappiness.com