Completing What Can’t Be Changed
Whenever you start replaying conversations about what you could or should have said to someone else, as if you are still trying to change something that can’t be changed, you are wasting your energy.
A simple letter-writing exercise that many of my clients have used can help you re-energize yourself.
*If a relationship has ended
*If someone has power over you and you can’t confront them directly
*If someone has died
*If a stranger almost caused an accident
*If someone stole something from you or destroyed your property
This exercise can help you to stop obsessing about what happened and get on with doing what is important to you now.
You will need to write three letters, but the letters are not to be sent. They are a way for you to express important thoughts and feelings and to release your emotions. You do not ever have to show these letters to anyone else. If you want to, you can destroy them when you are done.
Once you get started, don’t think too much about what you are doing, just write without stopping until you feel finished.
The first letter is to the person you can’t stop thinking about. Write all your uncensored thoughts and feelings – even if you have said those things in the past. It is fine to feel anger and sadness as you write, just keep writing, even if the paper gets wet or torn.
In the second letter, act as if you are the person receiving your first letter, and answer it. As you answer the first letter, put yourself into the shoes of the person you wrote it to. Imagine that you are the person receiving and reading the letter you wrote.
Now write a letter back to you, as if he or she was actually responding to you. He or she may express anger, disbelief, sadness, or anything else. That person may ignore your points, justify their behavior, or be responsive to you in the letter. Even if you think the person you wrote to would refuse to respond, try to write what you imagine what they would think or feel.
The third letter is also from him or her back to you, but this time the letter is the letter you wish for, and says everything you want to hear.
Imagine that the person you wrote to understands what you said in your first letter, and is completely responsive to all of the points you made. He or she may apologize, express appreciation, or anything else you want – after all you are writing this letter to yourself to complete unfinished business, and you know what you need to hear.
When you have completed all of the letters, reread them, and decide what to do next. You may want to share parts of them with someone you trust. You may even want to share them with the person in question. Only you can decide.
Communicate skillfully about sensitive subjects. Http://www.DareToSayIt.com/blog
Laurie Weiss, Ph.D. is a Master Certified Coach and communication expert. Dr. Weiss has spent 35 years helping clients resolve conflict in business and personal relationships. Email feedback@laurieweiss.com
4 Simple Motivation Techniques to Apply “When the Going Gets Tuff “
You may not be aware that you are practicing motivation techniques everyday of your life. This is initially seen when you force yourself to wake up early every morning to prepare for the long day ahead.
This is the same motivation that gets you through the tough day even though you felt that you cannot finish it in the start. And do you know what makes you make it through the day? Motivation. With this in mind, you are looking forward for the next day with the thought that you are getting closer to your chosen goal.
Sometimes you may feel like you just don’t have enough motivation to get you going. It is during these times that you have to remember some motivation skills so the going will not seem as tough.
What are these techniques?
1. Visualize your goal.
A goal is something that you can picture once in awhile or whenever you need to push yourself to do more. Take for example the process of losing five pounds. More often than not, you visualize yourself of someone you know who looks slim. That person serves as your visual motivation.
The best thing to do is put up a picture in a location of where you go everyday. It may be on your refrigerator door or beside the bathroom mirror. This way, you will be reminded everyday of the goal that you want to accomplish.
2. Reward yourself.
You may realize that you are losing some of your extra weight little by little. You can reward yourself with food or treats once you have gotten to your desired weight requirement.
You should promise to get yourself another reward if you get to the next weight loss level. This way, you have something to look forward to. Think of something that you really, realy wanted. That would be enough to reach you to your goal in the shortest time.
3. Write down your goals.
According to studies, people who write their goals have a better chance of keeping and attaining them. This is in contrast to just thinking and telling others about it.
Writing it out is like committing yourself to a contract that needed to be followed to the letter. This way, it is between you, yourself and your goal. After writing them down, put it somewhere where you can review and look them over or when you feel that you are losing track about where you are going.
4. Be confident.
Start wearing clothes that can shed off instant pounds. When you notice that there are changes in your body, do not slack off. Continue on doing what you have started and stay focused.
Show all your family and friends what you have achieved so far. Indulge in the praises and comments that they will give you. This does not mean that you need to stop and take it easy. Instead, it is a means that you are doing excellent and is halfway in achieving your goal.
These four motivation techniques are the ones that majority of people are using. It can be noted that these same techniques are also the ones that have helped many people achieve even the most impossible of goals. Why don’t you do the same?
Andrew Chin is a recognized authority on the subject of Motivation. His web site http://www.SelfImprovementsGuide.com provides a wealth of information on everything about Motivation.
Self Defense – It’s About Instinct, Not Violent Response
Violent crime increases annually and is reaching a record high this year already. What motivates criminals to become violent and what can you do to protect yourself?
Police officers are overwhelmed these days with duties beyond what they could have imagined fifty years ago. Response times are very slow and emergency calls have to be ranked by severity so that officers can take them in a listed order.
Officers today also have to be street smart lawyers, for lack of better words. They spend more time trying to be politically correct and handle every situation with kid’s gloves as not to offend anyone or face disciplinary from agencies that do not have the officer’s interest in mind.
I can attest that it is beyond necessary for you to learn to protect yourself. It is not likely that there will be someone to come and rescue you in a very rapid manner or quick enough to prevent a violent crime.
Self defense is more than learning karate or carrying a can of heavy duty pepper spray. Effective self defense requires attention and a conscious thought process. You must learn to harness instincts and pay attention to your surroundings.
I see so many people that are preoccupied with their own personal space and personal business that they forget that there is an entire world functioning around them. I see the lady with the cell phone stuck to her ear and not paying one bit of attention to the dark area where she parks her car. I assure you, the cell phone cannot save you.
I am disturbed by the gentleman that is too busy reading the newspaper on the subway to even notice what is going on around him. His eyes scan stories but never glance up to see anything that is happening about him. This activity is what criminals call “stupid bait”. People strip themselves of the ability to utilize instincts by wrapping themselves up in their current task.
Learn to pay attention. This is the first and biggest step in self defense. It is better to avoid a confrontation or problem than have to combat your way out of one. You can achieve this with a bit of focus and perception.
If you sense something that bothers you, investigate. Do not sink deeper into the sports page or sink into your cell phone call with averted eyes. Criminals love weakness. Criminals operate like the predator within the animal kingdom. They seek out prey that appears frightened, not alert and oblivious to the world circulating around them.
An animal demonstrates weakness, fear or lack of attention, he becomes dinner. It is as simple as that. You may be scared. Do not act scared. You may be weaker. Do not act weak. You may not be paying attention. Pay attention. This is legitimate self defense. Karate, judo carrying a concealed weapon are all methods of protection for a last resort situation. Do not let it come to that.
Eye contact is vital in survival. Criminals are natural cowards. They seek the easy victory and prey on the weak victim. They do not like to be noticed or observed. Eye contact will strip them of the little bit of courage that they have mustered to commit the crime that they desire to commit.
Pay attention to what is going on around you. If you cannot focus on the world around you while talking on the cell phone. Save the conversation for a safe zone like your home. Or, teach yourself to consciously look around you when talking.
Observation enhances instinct. We all have instincts, but we allow them to be repressed. Instincts trigger gut feelings that are critical for survival. Harness your instincts. The method to doing this is simply by paying attention. Look around you. Read your paper. Talk on the phone. But, pay attention.
When entering an area that could pose a threat such as a dark parking area, a rough neighborhood or anyplace that gives you that feeling, it’s time to pay attention. As humans, we grow comfortable in places and areas that we frequent. Dangerous areas become routine so we bring the stress meter down a bit. We become complacent.
Complacency is natural. Do not worry about that. However, recognize when this is happening. That requires attention. Upon recognizing this, you must mock your instinctive nature. The power of instinct can be mocked by practicing.
To mock your instinct of awareness and survival, you must do the things you do when entering a danger zone for the first time. Look around. Pay attention. Notice things. Remember things. Observe people. Notice who looks comfortable. Pay attention to those that appear uncomfortable. Awareness in itself is obvious to the predator. They would prefer to seek out the prey that is not aware or is so overcome with fear that they avert their eyes and cower within themselves.
The fear will come. That is a good thing. Harness it. Be scared but do not demonstrate the traits of fear by hiding your eyes or turning away from the thing that is provoking fear. Square your shoulders, keep your eyes level. Keep your hands out of your pockets. Do not fidget. Do not preoccupy yourself with trying to suppress fear. That is foolish and exactly what the “bad guy” wants.
The above tips will detour the majority of criminal violence. You must face your predator. Do not challenge, but do not demonstrate the traits of the prey. You will be fine and get through these things. You will also build character. Take care.
William “Cole” Doggett is an expert in knives and owns a successful Internet based website, Knife & Supply Company, LLC at http://www.KnifeSupplyCompany.com. His website is devoted to all things tactical law enforcement, military, outdoors and of course, Knives.
Emotional Stability And Our “Feelings”
Emotions love to control our actions and reactions, even though we do not want them to dominate us. Society often sees emotions as a sign of weakness so people are used to setting their feelings aside to become more rational. You will always have to deal with feelings no matter how logical and rational you become.
One of the vital facts in regards to emotions in contemporary society is the fact that even though we desire one another to live by reason we still must use our emotions as a healthy gauge for a total sense of well being.
Our emotions permit us to communicate with our humanness like no other sense that we enjoy. We laugh, cry, experience anger, and all of the other emotional feelings we use on an every day basis.
The point is if we listen to society and try to disengage ourselves from our feelings we are in more danger than if we live by our feelings. The latter gives us an up and down yo-yo type life style, but on the other hand to disregard our feelings is disastrous.
Why disastrous? Because our feelings are like our nerve endings. They warn us of danger, or permit us to enjoy life to the fullest. Further, our feelings will be a check and balance to what is right and wrong. Disregarding our emotional check and balance could permit is to do the unspeakable.
One will never enjoy life by avoiding his or her feelings. The Creator has given these wonderful feelings for a reason. Just because they get damaged in life is no reason to throw the baby out with the bath water, so to speak.
What is needed is to get healing where our emotions have been damaged and learn to feel all that there is to feel in life. Using all of our senses to live is real living. There is great benefit in striving to live a balanced life, rather than be on the extreme in one direction or the other. Neither will lead to a total healthy life style.
Happiness is indeed, dependent on our total well being. Therefore, take a hard look at your emotional well being to see how you add up. If you are not sure ask someone who knows you. They may see your life a lot clearer than you do.
At times we may even need to talk with a counselor. Seeing a professional is not a sign of weakness. Actually, it is a sign of strength.
Kevin Sinclair is the publisher and editor of My-Personal-Growth.com, a site that provides information and articles for self improvement and personal growth and development. http://www.my-personal-growth.com/
What is the Meaning of the Fruits of True Happiness?
True happiness is said to be both an inner glow and an outer radiation that you can feel together with an total satisfaction.
Dictionaries will give you the meaning of happiness as an emotional feeling which parallels with pleasure, joy, and contentment. But then these things are just temporary. You have to dig deeper into the real meaning of happiness – a happiness that is True and never ending.
True happiness is a great feeling of satisfaction which is incomparable to the instant pleasures you get when you see your favourite soccer team winning. It is felt when you overcome an obstacle which has been presented to you.
There are many people out there who do not know much about true happiness. This is the reason I have compiled this article on happiness, to let them learn.
What really makes you happy?
Is it the material things such as money, clothes, jewellery, brand name footwear and bags? Do you go for long-term states of happiness such as security, good health, and love? Which is most valuable to you? Have you gotten access to real happiness? When was the last time you felt really happy? Have you given your all to a certain challenge and you felt satisfied with all those efforts you have placed?
Recognizing your happiness is a must. There are several occurrences when you have been misguided to the real deal with true happiness and simple pleasure. To mark a definition between the two, it is vital that you know the exact difference that comes with both terms.
Simple pleasure is a thing of feeling terrific about something. Examples of pleasurable experiences are a family cruise vacation, a spa treatment during the weekend, a great basketball game, and so on. Meanwhile, True happiness is far from feeling emotionally happy. It goes more way beyond enjoyment. In happiness lies contentment and engrossment.
So what is it that let people have true happiness?
Researchers have identified several factors that can fully describe true happiness in a person. They say that people from all walks of life experience true happiness but are just too busy to pay any attention to it simply because they fail to recognize what true happiness and pleasure are.
Happiness in a person is actually a state where in you feel like going along with the flow. You seem to be going along with the flow that sets off smoothly, hassle free, and effortlessly. It can be compared to an experience wherein the ticking of the clock stops suddenly and you become totally oblivious of the things that surrounds you.
Among the significant clues of happiness are being totally immersed with what you are doing, when you have your full participation on an engagement, when you are enjoying to the extreme but you have certainly have no idea with regards to the day, to the passing time, to the other things taking place in your surroundings, and the genuine satisfaction that you feel. These are the instances that can inform you that you have got nothing but happiness in your mind, heart, and soul.
There is chance of true happiness for every person. Do not be taken aback by the negativity that True happiness is only meant for other people. You also deserve to experience True happiness. When True happiness comes your way, you can attest to how lucky you are as a person. Therefore, take time to reconcile occurrences and things in your life. Give importance to the value of True happiness everyday.
Andrew P. Chin is a recognized authority on the subject of Happiness. His web site http://www.SelfImprovementsGuide.com provides a wealth of information on everything about Self Improvement. All rights reserved. Articles may be reprinted as long as the content and links remain unchanged.