Making the Most of Being a Stay at Home Mom
Not everyone agrees that being a stay at home mom is a great thing. Some feel that staying at home is a waste of your education and talents. But any stay at home mom knows there’s much more to the story.
As an at home mom, you have the chance to use many of your talents and your education. This is especially true in these days when being at home does not necessarily mean you don’t earn money.
But some of the things you do day to day can be pretty basic. Trips to the park. Cleaning the house. Watching the soap operas… assuming you have the time and the inclination, which not all of us do. Even then it’s not necessarily the only thing being done.
And yet there is so much you can do to share your talents with your family or the community. Your education and talents do have a purpose when you’re at home.
Volunteering is one way. You may be able to help out at your children’s school, for example. You can volunteer with a charity.
You can use your talents with your children. They can help when it’s time for homework. You can come up with projects you can do together. You can teach your children some of your skills as they get old enough.
Now obviously, not all of this will be suited to every mother. There’s nothing saying a stay at home mom has to do volunteer work or has to come up with great projects with the kids. That’s not the way these things work.
But any stay at home mom can help her children feel loved. She can encourage them to work toward their dreams. She can even show them that being at home does not mean giving up on your own dreams.
Take the time to help your children develop into capable adults. Have them help you just as you help them. That’s one of the most important things for any parent to remember.
Don’t forget to go beyond the mommy stuff. Use your time at home for you. If you’re planning on going back to work someday, keep up your skills and education as best you can. Take time off for you. Know what you are capable of and what you’re not.
You also need a good understanding with your husband. Not all relationships go smoothly with a single wage earner, and you need to think about the pitfalls before they become a problem.
Above all else, enjoy your time with your family. Being a stay at home is both a sacrifice and a blessing.
Stephanie Foster runs http://www.homewiththekids.com/ as a resource for stay at home moms. When your day allows, you can meet up with your fellow stay at home moms on her forums at http://www.homewiththekids.com/phpBB2/
Are You Falling for the Guilt Trips?
Guilt. It surrounds a mother’s day pretty much no matter the choices she makes. Work outside the home? Negligent. Stay at home? Lazy.
And it just keeps coming.
No matter what you do, sometimes you have to make compromises. You may have to work outside the home so that your family has enough to eat and a roof over their heads. Or it may just keep you sane. Despite what some may say, this is not a bad thing!
That’s a point where I disagree with many of my fellow stay at home moms. Many feel a mother should stay at home if at all possible. I agree, but my definition of possible includes mom’s sanity.
Frankly, I think there are more important things for a mother to worry about than whether or not her choices meet with everyone else’s approval. Doing the best you can for your family in your own way is far more important.
Of course, that also means I don’t approve of working mothers looking down at stay at home moms. It’s real work, trust me!
One of the most important things any parent can do is to find the right balance for your family. Make enough time to be a family, without any distractions.
For the working mother, that means making sure to have enough time at home when the kids are awake. Don’t take calls relating to your job, and take the time to relax and enjoy your family. Same goes for the work at home mom.
For all moms, this means turn off the computer and the television set. You might even consider turning off all cell phones and letting the answering machine screen calls on the regular phone. Leave the laundry, dishes and other chores alone for a few hours. It won’t make that much of a difference if you get to them a little later.
Decide on something your family can do together. Try for doing something special together at least a couple times a month, if not weekly or even daily. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Playing a board game together for an hour is good. Going out for a family hike. Taking the entire day out once in a while.
It doesn’t have to be the same thing every time. Allow for a little creativity.
One of the great things about making time for your family is that it’s one of the few things you can do and not feel like someone is going to call you a poor parent. But better yet is the fun your family has and the memories you build.
Stephanie Foster runs http://www.homewiththekids.com/ as a resource for stay at home moms. Her site offers more information for stay at home moms at http://www.homewiththekids.com/lifestyle.php
Autism - Why You Need A Circle Of Friends
When my eldest son was eighteen we bought him a second hand car. When my youngest son reached the same age we bought him two second hand videos from e-bay.
Why? Well, my youngest son has autism and that was all he wanted.
He did, however, have a party for about 100 people which was something I’d never dreamed possible.
The day my youngest son was diagnosed with autism back in 1993 was unquestionably the worst day of my life. I’d already lost the cheerful, loving sociable bundle of joy I’d known prior to his MMR vaccine but getting the diagnosis made it so final.
Autism is a life long disability and to date there is no cure. Back then there was little hope offered for significant improvement either. Thankfully things have changed!
At the time little was known of autism and it was still quite rare. Affecting four times as many boys as girls the statistics then were 4 or 5 in every 10,000. Now depending on which report you read it hovers around the 1 in every 100 mark.
The ‘experts’ told me if my son didn’t speak by the time he was five years old he probably never would. They also told me by the time he was a teenager I would most likely have to have him placed in a home because I would be unable to look after him.
Already he was using me as a punch bag to vent his frustration. Most people with autism are incredibly strong and they told me I probably wouldn’t be able to cope.
Their parting words of “Good Luck!” filled me with despair.
Over the years we have tried several non invasive interventions which have unquestionably helped Jodi and he has improved considerably.
However, people with autism tend to live a normal life cycle so whilst I fully expected my son to reach eighteen I never imagined in my wildest dreams he would celebrate it with a party.
Loud music and flashing lights would have been impossible a few years ago and so would crowds of noisy, happy people.
But these weren’t just any people. These were Jodi’s FRIENDS!
Over the years I have come to accept my son will never have a girlfriend, get married or give me grandchildren. However, by far the hardest thing for me to come to terms with was that he might never have “friends”.
Certainly when he was a frustrated little individual with no means of communicating he was the type of child only a mother could love. Friends were out of the question.
The very nature of autism means that people with the disability find social situations difficult and even now my son doesn’t actively seek out company although he no longer shuns it. However, he does like to be involved when it’s something he enjoys.
We have therefore tried to offer him as many opportunities as possible. He has joined youth clubs and dance groups where he has been welcomed and accepted.
The knock on effect of that has been that certain people have chosen to become his special friends and spend time with him outside of the groups. They take him places and do things with him I never would (or possible could).
Just Because I Don’t Speak Doesn’t Mean I Have Nothing To Say
My autistic son doesn’t speak, at least not in the way we understand as language. However he communicates really well if you know what to look for.
He is able to convey his thoughts to his wonderful ‘friends’ in ways I sometimes find surprising and through them I am continually discovering things about him I didn’t know.
As his mother and main carer I thought I knew everything about my autistic son, how he felt and what he wanted. His friends have helped me realise what I thought he wanted and what he actually wanted were not necessarily the same.
After all, I’m 34 years older than him so how could I possibly know?
Often we did things together because it was what I wanted to do but if he had been a “normal” teenager I’m sure upon reflection there would have been many sighs of discontent!
Jodi behaves differently depending on where he is and whom he is with. He therefore has to face and overcome various challenges without the security blanket I have always provided.
He copes really well with the support of his friends. It’s such a weight off my mind not to have to be fully responsible all the time. With them he is able to make connections, develop relationships and have fun.
At first, I was reluctant to let go. I wasn’t that I didn’t want help - I just didn’t like to ask for it.
I felt if I asked someone to spend time with my son to enable him to have a better quality of life they might feel obliged to say “Yes”.
It also made me feel guilty because I wasn’t offering to pay for their time. They would be volunteers, and of course, I was worried that they wouldn’t be able to understand or cope with him. Autism can be pretty complicated.
However, there’s a saying that “in order to get things you’ve never had you have to do things you’ve never done” so I tentatively made my requests and you know what? - No-one refused. Infact they said they were honoured to help and thought I’d never ask.
We have set up a Circle of Friends for my son and get together once every four to six weeks to discuss what Jodi would like to do and where he would like to go.
It’s a very friendly social occasion and the volunteers then offer to do at least one thing with him before the next meeting.
As they are all fun things everyone benefits.
* Jodi benefits because he gets to do all the things he likes.
* The volunteers benefit because they get to do things they enjoy but might not necessarily do on their own
* I benefit because I get a break from the responsibility secure in the knowledge that Jodi is safe and happy.
I would recommend a Circle of Friends to anyone who has a child with special needs - not just autism. It may start off small but it is surprising how quickly it can escalate.
Anyone who truly cares about the well-being and future of an individual can really help empower that person to have a “voice”, to build friendships, strengthen social networks and realise their dreams and ambitions.
Now eighteen my autistic son can officially gamble, drink and vote. Of course he does neither but he has grown up and matured into a fine young man who was able to thoroughly enjoy the party with his wonderful friends - the one I thought he’d never have.
It was a very emotional evening I can tell you and when I made a speech recounting my earlier fears about the friendship issue there were many who needed a tissue.
The Circle has made a huge difference to me. Jodi’s friends have become mine and within the circle itself new friendships have been formed between people who would not normally come together.
None of Jodi’s friends would consider themselves “special” but we do. Individually they are all wonderful but put them together in a Circle and the result is pretty amazing.
Try it and see. Everyone needs friends!
Jean Shaw is the author of I’m Not Naughty - I’m Autistic - Jodi’s Journey and Autism, Amalgam and Me - Jodi’s Journey Continues.
For more information on autism and how to form a circle of friends see http://www.jeanshaw.com
5 Things That New Parents Should Know
Being a new parent can be pretty scary sometimes. You have this brand new little life that is completely dependent upon you. It helps to read books and articles, but until you can experience it first hand, there is no way to even imagine the awesome experience of parenthood.
Babies are tougher than they look. There is an old saying the “babies bounce” and it is a reference to the toughness and resilience of babies. Babies get dropped, they fall (A LOT) and they have accidents. This is not saying that if your baby is in an accident or you drop him or her that you should not get it checked out, but just know that they are a lot tougher than they look. They were built that way.
Crying is a natural form of communication. No, as much as it may appear so, your baby is not trying to make you crazy. However, crying is the only that he or she knows how to say, “Hey! I’m hungry!” or “Hey! I’m wet!” You will soon learn to tell the difference between the differences in your baby’s cries. Sometimes, though, they just need to “let it out” and may cry for no apparent reason. It is nerve wracking, I won’t lie to you, but it does eventually end.
Growth spurts are normal. Babies will go through periodic growth spurts and they will feed just about around the clock. You notice this most if you are breastfeeding and if so, that first growth spurt will make even the staunchest breast feeder reconsider her choice. The good news is that a growth spurt usually lasts about 24 hours, but that 24 hours can feel like a week. During a growth spurt, the baby will want to feed about every 15 minutes. Yes, it is normal and yes, it does end.
You will make mistakes. Yes, you will make mistakes and things will happen. You may drop your baby (see number 1) or you may feed him or her something that causes colic. You have many years to make lots of mistakes. Get used to it now and don’t be too hard on yourself. Many people jokingly call the first child the “practice baby.” It is funny, but in a sense it is true. After the first, the second is easier and you make fewer mistakes. The third is even better. But each child is different and you will make different mistakes on each one. Learn from them, recover and, most of all, learn to laugh.
Your baby loves your voice. Your baby’s favorite sound is the sound of your voice. Your baby also loves to look at your face. When nursing, even if bottle feeding, hold your baby close and look at him or her. During play, keep your face within their eyesight range. Talk to your baby, sing, read the stock reports. It doesn’t matter what you say, just that you say it. Soon, your baby will be cooing back at you, kicking those little feet, looking intensely into your eyes. This means that your baby is “talking” back to you. Enjoy this special time.
Are you a parent? Visit the Parenting Forums: http://parentingforums.org/
Your Child and Underachievement
According to standardized intelligence tests, children are getting smarter and smarter. Most children recognize school success as a highly valued achievement in today’s world. Our culture celebrates high achievers, and we are one of the most productive nations in history. Yet many educators agree that underachievement is among the most serious problems facing our schools today, affecting nearly one out of four children.
As early as the second or third grade, your child may show signs of not performing up to his or her potential. There is no clear personality profile or temperament that we can associate with this problem. Family conflicts and emotional problems might contribute to underachievement, but even here there are no definitive patterns.
Underachievement can take several different forms. Some children do poorly in all subject areas-a problem known as pervasive underachievement. They may have specific learning disabilities or emotional problems that interfere with their learning, or they may just dislike school. Some children simply see school as a low priority in their lives and are there only because they have no choice.
Another form of underachievement can occur when a child has difficulty with one specific subject area. This type of child essentially succumbs to his frustrations in math, or language, or science, and does not feel the need to work harder in these areas. Educators refer to this as “topical underachievement.”
Unfortunately, because underachievement can come in many shapes and sizes, the early signs of school difficulty may be overlooked or mislabeled. The child is thought to be bored instead of unmotivated, or perhaps a learning disability is diagnosed where none exists. Some educational researchers believe that so many children are uninterested in school because of what they term “insufficient rewards.” This theory explains that human behavior is motivated by the desire for certain rewards, particularly social rewards like praise or recognition.
High-achieving students are constantly rewarded for their efforts by teachers, parents, and peers, but moderate- or low-achieving students do not have these same reinforcements. If these students get social rewards from being the best video-game player, or having the largest baseball-card collection, then it is no wonder that they are unmotivated to do schoolwork.
There are many other theories about why so many children don’t perform up to their potential; in fact, there are probably as many theories as there are children who underachieve. On the other hand, there is much more agreement on how to prevent or reverse underachievement, and as we shall see, this can be done at any stage of a child’s development.
RISK FACTORS FOR UNDERACHIEVING IN SCHOOL
Socioeconomic Level
It’s hard to argue that the most common and serious risk factor for underachievement has to do with the socioeconomic level of the family. Children who are born into poverty (22 percent of American children live at or below the poverty line, according to 1997 statistics) will likely be deprived of the best nutrition, high-quality health care, educational toys and books, and parents who have the time to spend on early stimulation.
Research strongly suggests that a deprived early environment will impede both the emotional and cognitive development of children, but even with appropriate early stimulation, children who are born into families with low incomes will likely suffer from fewer parental expectations, lower-quality schools, and a greater exposure to family and community risk factors. Many child advocates are particularly concerned that these children will fall even further behind in the upcoming decade, since they won’t have the same access to computers and the Internet as will children from higherincome families.
Although most schools and libraries have computer centers with a collection of software programs and Internet access, it’s not the same as having immediate access to a computer in the home.
A Disruptive Family Event
A specific disruptive event in a child’s life-such as a move to a new school, a divorce, or a serious illness in the family-can trigger an episode of underachievement. Children who are categorized as “situational underachievers” previously performed well in school and enjoyed learning, and their sudden poor grades and lack of interest in work are out of character. Situational underachievement occurs as a symptom of an underlying problem, and when that problem is addressed through some form of intervention, the child will typically bounce back, after a period of three to six months.
When the underlying problem is not addressed, however, these students may not easily find renewed success in school. In extreme cases the underlying causes can lead to a form of learned helplessness, in which children feel that they have no control over their lives and that it is not in their power to master the tasks before them. Underachievement then becomes a chronic problem.
Overindulgence and Permissive Parenting
In earlier times, before television and video games and the dozens of household appliances we take for granted, children were expected to work hard around the house and contribute to the well-being of the family. Today most children are required to do only perfunctory chores, and even these are met with complaints. Parenting articles on getting children to do chores advise us to “make chores fun.” But that does not teach today’s children what their grandparents knew when they were little: sometimes it is necessary to do difficult work without any short-term rewards.
A permissive parenting style is characterized by having low expectations and bestowing an excess of material possessions. When children have difficulty in a particular subject, permissive parents find many reasons that the problem is not their child’s fault. They may reason that the textbook is too hard. They may blame the teacher for being overly critical. They may think that the child has an inherited problem with this particular subject.
One unfortunate trend in some school districts has been to overdiagnose learning disabilities or other handicapping conditions, giving children who are topical underachievers an excuse for their problems in some subjects, rather than just demanding more from them.
A child whose parents only look to find blame for poor performance will never learn to look to her own actions to find answers. The message is that her problems are beyond her control.
Temperament
An impulsive temperament is a significant risk factor for many children. Some of these children are labeled as having behavioral problems and others are diagnosed as ADHD, but nearly all impulsive children tend to be delayed in their language development as well as in their problem-solving skills. Because of their slower development, they often start school below their real potential and, all things being equal, continue to perform that way throughout their school career.
Children with an impulsive temperament have trouble thinking before they act. On the other hand, children who are born with a reflective temperament typically have a variety of coping strategies to resist temptation, including the ability to persist with a task, literally talk themselves through the necessary steps, foresee the future consequences of their actions, and comprehend that there are multiple solutions to a given problem. As we shall see, although some children do not seem to innately possess these cognitive skills, they can be taught to control their impulsivity so that the path to learning is easier.
Gender
A child’s gender must also be considered a risk factor for certain kinds of underachievement. Boys are more at risk for problems in early reading, and girls are more likely to have problems in math, especially when they enter middle school. According to psychologist Sylvia Rimm in her study of a thousand successful women, as reported in her book “See Jane Win”, many of the most motivated and ambitious women that she interviewed were turned off to math in their middle-school years.
She advises parents, “Whether you liked or feared math, encourage your daughters to enjoy the subject. Your daughters will have more choices if they conquer math…. If you have a choice, find a school that encourages girls to take math and science.”
Sibling Dynamics
Some experts believe that certain sibling combinations may also be a risk factor for underachievement. Children who are fewer than two years apart may be very competitive with each other, particularly if they are the same gender. If one sibling has more natural aptitude than another, the second sibling may feel that it is useless to try to compete. He may use his seeming indifference to school to get attention from his parents. The so-called class clown is often the younger sibling of such a family constellation, getting attention by testing authority rather than risking failure in the eyes of his parents and the world.
Siblings of gifted children can also be at risk for underachievement. Their needs may be overlooked in the adulation of the more talented child. Some parents recognize this problem and mistakenly overcompensate for it-the less gifted child may find himself the recipient of false compliments, leaving him to believe neither in himself nor in his parents. The siblings of gifted children often harbor great strengths of their own, but fail to find them or trust in them, given the excitement generated by the gifted child.
Children with a sibling who has a handicap :nay also be at risk for low achievement. Sometimes these children use poor school performance as a means to compete with the sibling for their parents’ attention, and in some cases there is a guilt factor, with the nonhandicapped sibling feeling somehow responsible for her sibling’s problems. The guilt this child might feel both for her potential success at school and for being the one who is not handicapped can lead to various emotional problems, with underachievement a common symptom.
In most of these cases the underachieving students will usually respond to increased, straightforward encouragement and acknowledgment by their parents of the special situation they are in.
A Sense of Entitlement in Gifted Children
Finally there is the paradox of the gifted child, who is born with innate intelligence or special talents but who all too frequently does not fulfill his or her potential. A considerable amount of the psychological research on underachievement has focused on these children. Many psychologists have concluded that underachievement in gifted children frequently stems from too much attention paid by one or both parents, leading to a sense of entitlement.
When these children inevitably encounter teachers or instructors who do not give them the same level of attention or the special considerations they feel they deserve, they may become uninterested in school as an act of defiance.
Virtually all of the problems -divorce, trauma, behavioral problems, and shyness-can be a factor in underachievement. However, preventive measures can be taken at every age to keep underachievement from being an additional obstacle to a child’s healthy development.
Angela Abbette is an enthusiastic writer for http://www.hitkingdom.com and is an avid user of the Parenting information …. http://www.upublish.info/Category/Parenting/114 …. found at uPublish.info
How To Improve Your Parenting Skills
Raising a child is all about having good parenting skills and learning good parenting techniques. Without parenting skills, the duties of the average parent are reduced to simply struggling around with great difficulty. Of course, the realistic point of view of raising a child is that most parents enter their new role without a clue as to how to achieve their goals and are quickly looking for help.
So where does a parent go to learn good parenting skills? When all hope is lost, many parents find that they actually turn to their own parents for advice. Most parents end up raising their children in ways similar to how they were raised. While this aspect is often a sworn denial among teenage years, sung somewhat to the tune of “I will never be like you”, the reality of raising a child often finds a different song of desperation is being sung in subsequent years.
When people are too proud to go to their parents for parenting advice, however, they often turn to other measures. Raising teenagers is typically one of the aspects of parenting that often drives people to drink, for one. Whether or not hitting the bottle is considered a significant or “good” parenting skill is still up for debate, but raising teenagers has been known to drive parents to some pretty unfortunate ends.
Through all of this desperation and despair, parenting skills are still possible. While a parent may have turned to drinking in lieu of asking his or her parents for advice, there are still possibilities for getting the skills necessary to overcome many problems. Raising a teenager is never easy. Many parents prefer almost any other stage in their child’s life to teenage parenting, but no stage of raising a child is particularly without its pitfalls.
Parenting skills often can be found by taking a parenting course. Often dubbed as the “land of the lost”, counseling for raising a child is actually a very popular course among parents of teenagers. With the reality of raising a teen heavy on the hearts of most of the parents at the parenting course, there is room to grieve and probably share a stiff drink later in the evening. In all seriousness, this network of support is often very helpful to achieving the ultimate goal of learning parenting skills that will help in the raising of a well-adjusted teenager.
With a certificate of success from a such a course in one hand and the phone numbers of other parents of teens in the other, the drive home to teenage children may finally be a walk that some parents feel they can take with more confidence.
Of course, raising a teenager is known for various curve balls and unexpected situations, but with some parenting skills and with a network of support from other parents of teens, it is possible to learn to deal with these situations with a greater sense of control.
Finding parenting skills to cope with situations involving teen children is the end goal of the parent. There is no age limit, in fact, that refers to when a parent stops being a parent, so the life of a parent will seem like an eternity. Raising a teen requires planning and parenting skills, making it one of the most demanding occupations on the planet today.
Mike Selvon owns a number of niche portal. Please visit our teenage parenting portal at http://teenageparenting.mynicherecommends.com/ for more great tips on improving your parenting skills, and leave a comment at our blog at http://www.mynicheportal.com/family/.
Using A Trampoline Without Breaking Your Neck
While trampolines are fantastic tools for getting your kids - or yourself - outdoors and active, often parents and potential trampoline users forget to consider the serious health and safety concerns that go along with trampoline use. Used improperly, trampolines can cause serious and irreparable injuries, ranging from sprained or cracked ankles and wrists, to skull fractures, to the worst of all: broken backs or necks.
The list of potential injuries may sound discouraging, but the idea is that if you use a trampoline properly, you won’t need to worry about these kinds of tragic accidents. To avoid these injuries, here are a few things you should avoid doing - and make sure your children don’t do - while on a trampoline:
NEVER allow more than one person on the trampoline at once.
Allowing multiple users on a trampoline can result in serious collisions or falls.
NEVER attempt stunts or somersaults while on the trampoline.
As fun as it may be to try and imitate Olympic gymnasts, the difference is that they’re trained athletes in a supervised facility. Stunts and somersaults are advanced moves, and landing wrong may result in a broken neck and possible paralysis.
NEVER jump off the trampoline and onto the ground.
Stop jumping, and carefully make your way to the edge of the trampoline to get down. Unless, of course, you were hoping for a broken ankle.
DO remove all loose jewelry, hats, or articles of clothing that might catch in the trampoline springs.
If one of these items falls off while jumping, there is also the potential for slipping on it, which may cause injury.
DO set up your trampoline on a level, clear area with soft ground.
There should be at least 2 meters clearance on all sides of the trampoline, free of things like toys, trees, or laundry lines. Never place the trampoline on a hard surface like concrete, just in case.
DO make sure your trampoline model has shock-absorbing safety pads around the outside edge to cover the hooks, springs and frame.
The safety pads must be a different color from the trampoline bed, so that users can clearly distinguish the edge of the trampoline while jumping.
The first thing you should do before ever stepping onto the trampoline, or allowing anyone else to do so, is to take a walk around the unit and inspect the trampoline for rips, tears, or potential obstructions. While this may seem redundant to do each time, even one small tear could result in a devastating injury. For your own protection and the safety of your family, these few simple precautions can ensure that you and your family have a fun, safe, and enjoyable trampoline experience for years to come!
Learn every thing you need to know on how to get a trampoline in your backyard at http://www.outdoortoys.us/archives/10-safety-rules-for-trampoline-usage/
An Overview Of Foster Parenting
Foster parenting is a government-sponsored program that provides a temporary care family to children in need. There are also many private agencies that offer foster care, but they still need to meet government regulations. Parents interested in foster care go through an extensive process to become suitable for foster care before they are able to be certified and given children to care for.
Foster parenting typically applies to children that are considered minors, but there are certain cases in which co parenting foster care is taken on, usually in cases of children over the legal age that are disabled or have mental deficiencies. In some cases, co parenting foster care is also given to children over the legal age that the state requires be still “attached” to other family members that are already in the foster parenting system.
In many cases, foster care is a temporary home for children before they are either returned home to their biological parents or until they find another foster care home. One of the biggest issues in foster care is having the foster parents get too attached to the foster children.
Foster parenting can be tough because of this, so parenting styles must be adapted for the special circumstances of foster care. Instead of using traditional parenting styles, those in foster parenting utilize distance techniques to both give the child adequate professional care but also to remain emotionally distant so as to avoid any connection that would be harmful.
Foster parenting is also in place as a temporary home for those children who may be waiting for adoption. One of the many critiques of the foster care system is that it is a proverbial revolving door for children that offers them no real foundation for growth. Because the adoption process is so rigid and necessarily thorough, there is really no other option but to care for the child in the manner of foster parenting.
The foster parenting program may also be invoked in areas in which a parenting program demonstrates that a parent is unfit or unwell. In these cases, the parental rights may be removed by the state and replaced with temporary rights in which the state acts in the interest of the child. These cases are always tough and rarely end up well for the child, but the state feels compelled to act under the necessity of protecting children under its care.
Foster parenting is a tough part of life for those unfortunate enough to need the system to work for them. It typically is known for not offering any legitimate support in a long term sense and, instead, supplies temporary housing with emotionally distant “parents”. Often, the foster care home is said to be the worst possible place for a child.
Still, there are many people that have given their lives and love to foster parenting. These people are often never acknowledged as the selfless and giving people they are. Taking a chance on foster parenting can be a risky, but rewarding, venture.
Mike Selvon owns a number of niche portal. Please visit our teenage parenting portal at http://teenageparenting.mynicherecommends.com/ for more great tips on foster parenting, and leave a comment at our blog at http://www.mynicheportal.com/family/.
How Parents Can Prevent the Long-Term Effects of a Trauma
Let us hope that your child will not experience any major trauma in his or her developing years. But even if a trauma should occur, it doesn’t have to be a “life-shattering event.” More than fifty years of research, beginning with the study of children who experienced the London bombings in World War II, has shown us that children can adapt surprisingly well to most of life’s hardships. They may not bounce back immediately, but they can adjust to a wide variety of stresses and go on to live satisfying and successful lives.
Childhood trauma comes from many sources. Sometimes it can occur over an extended period of time, as with cases of neglect or maltreatment or repeated family violence. But for most children a trauma is a single event, such as the death of a parent, a hospitalization, a natural disaster, or a severe accident.
Although the majority of children exposed to a trauma do well and have only mild, transitory symptoms, some develop significant problems, which can continue to affect them many years after the trauma is over. These problems come in different forms, from symptoms that look like ADHD, to depression, to psychosomatic problems like headaches and stomachaches. As we shall see, there are many risk factors that can predispose a child to short- as well as long-term problems, and many of them are within your control.
Most parents may feel they are not trained to help children who have been through a traumatic event. In many cases the parents are in distress themselves and coping with their own psychological reactions. However, traumas bring out the “hero” in all of us. Parents can reduce the risk of trauma as well as utilize interventions that can make a difference in helping their children overcome even the most unimaginable circumstances.
To understand exactly what parents can do, it is helpful to think in terms of four stages of prevention that apply to children from preschool age through adolescence. (They don’t apply to infants and toddlers, but there are other, more general preventive techniques that should be considered for them.)
STAGE ONE: TRAUMA PREPAREDNESS
Your first job of prevention begins even before a trauma occurs. If you are in a part of the country where natural disasters are common, you have probably already taken steps to prepare for the possibility of that kind of trauma. You may have talked to your children about where to stand and what to do if an earthquake strikes, or shown your teenagers how to help you prepare your house in the event of a hurricane or tornado. But there are other types of traumas that children can be prepared for.
Children as young as three can be taught to dial 911 and ask for help in an emergency. At this age they also should know what to do if a fire breaks out in the home. Older children can learn about first aid, and adolescents can learn CPR.
The Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) suggests that you develop a “Family Disaster Plan” by taking four simple steps. First, learn what hazards exist in your community and how to prepare for each. Then meet with your family to discuss what you would do in each situation. Next, take steps to prepare for a disaster, such as posting emergency phone numbers, designating an out-ofstate family contact, assembling disaster-supply kits for each member of your household, and installing smoke detectors on each level of your home. Teach your children how to recognize danger signals.
Make sure they know what smoke detectors, fire alarms, and community-warning systems (horns, sirens) sound like. Finally, practice your Family Disaster Plan so that everyone will remember what to do if a disaster does occur. Contact your local emergency-management or civil-defense office or the local Red Cross chapter for literature about how your family can create a disaster plan.
Children can even be psychologically prepared for unforeseen events, like a sudden illness or a family death. Not a day goes by that the television news doesn’t report a story of a tragedy that affects some child. Understandably, most parents don’t see these stories as topics they want to discuss with their children, but protecting children from the real misfortunes that befall people all around them only leaves them psychologically unprepared.
Children don’t mind talking about difficult subjects. They usually find it comforting when they see their parents calmly and directly confronting even the most serious events. When a parent asks questions like “What do you think would happen if Dad or Mom got sick and couldn’t work anymore?” or “What would you do if there was a shooting in your school?” children learn that problems and their solutions can be anticipated.
STAGE TWO: RESPONDING TO THE TRAUMA
Obviously, the first step to take when children experience a trauma is to see if they have been physically harmed. Sometimes children may be able to tell you if they are in pain, but since shock is a common initial reaction to trauma, they might not be able to communicate even a serious problem, and an immediate medical examination may be required.
Depending on the type of trauma that has occurred, parents should next be concerned about their child’s safety and psychological security. Shelter may have to be found and other steps taken to “normalize” a child’s life as soon as possible. Above all, the family should be kept together and children should remain with their primary caretakers.
Experts advise parents to remember that normalization is a direction, not a destination. When a child’s environment and routine go back to being predictable, this is a chance for healing to begin, but it may be many months and even years before it is complete. Parents should be aware of the many psychological symptoms that can indicate that a child is working through the effects of a trauma:
- refusal to return to school and “clinging” behavior, such as shadowing the mother or father around the house
- persistent fears related to the catastrophe, particularly fears about being permanently separated from the parents
- sleep disturbances, including nightmares or bed-wetting, that persist more than several days after the event
- irritability and loss of concentration
- behavior problems not typical for the child
- physical complaints (stomachaches, headaches, dizziness) for which a physical cause cannot be found
- withdrawal from family and friends, listlessness, decreased activity, preoccupation with the events of the trauma
STAGE THREE: EMOTIONAL HEALING
The emotional healing process begins after the child’s outward routine has been reestablished. The exact nature of this healing will of course depend on the extent of the trauma. In every case, however, parents can help their child to be aware of her feelings and learn to communicate them effectively. Healing will also involve correcting misconceptions or distortions that children typically have about the event, such as self-blame. It will include empowering the child or adolescent so that she doesn’t feel like a victim.
Emotional healing should also include educating family members and even close friends of the child who has been traumatized. Participation in self-help groups and exposure to inspirational literature can be useful for older children and teens. Most experts recommend a holistic approach to healing, which includes attention to diet, exercise, and other lifestyle habits, as well as to spiritual issues.
In the case of very serious trauma, or when a child has several different risk factors, counseling may also be indicated. Counseling focuses on building a relationship of trust with a traumatized child and helping her to express her feelings and conflicts in words, via symbolic play, or through one of the different art therapies. Counseling sessions may involve a symbolic reenactment of the traumatic event to help the child fully master her painful feelings and memories. Sometimes, if symptoms of fearfulness and anxiety are severe, medication is recommended.
This phase of emotional healing ends with the elimination or significant reduction of any psychological and physical symptoms. The child should once again have an age-appropriate sense of mastery and control. There should be an observable shift from a “victim” status to a “survivor” status, reflected in the way the child speaks and behaves. The child should once again be able to confront the normal developmental challenges of family, school, and friends.
STAGE FOUR: POST TRAUMA AWARENESS
It wasn’t very long ago when clinicians thought that Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) was only an adult problem. Now we know that children and teens can suffer from the same disorder, unable to “put the trauma behind them.” Symptoms of PTSD in children can come in many different shapes and forms, often mimicking other disorders. When children are diagnosed with PTSD, psychotherapy is usually recommended.
Many children don’t develop the severe symptoms to warrant a diagnosis of PTSD, yet the trauma continues to have long-lasting effects on their development. As we shall see, there are many things parents can do in this stage to reduce the aftereffects of a trauma.
Angela Abbette is an enthusiastic writer for http://www.hitkingdom.com and is an avid user of the Parenting information …. http://www.upublish.info/Category/Parenting/114 …. found at uPublish.info
Choosing Baby Names and Pregnancy Health
Being pregnant is one of the most exciting times in a woman’s life. The moment that you realize you are pregnant you understand instantly that your life is about to change. In a split second a million things go through your head. What do I need to do? Is it a boy or a girl? What am I going to name it?
Many people even start stressing in the first trimester about who would be the easier person to offend - Mabel or Mary when you are thinking about the baby name factor alone. Pregnancy is a time where your thoughts are constantly running a mile a minute about what this new change will bring for you.
The first thing you need to do when you realize you are pregnant, is stop for a moment and think about your health and what you need to do about it. A woman’s health requirements when she is pregnant are much higher than normal. You are under demanding physical and emotional stress.
Most of your nutrition will be carted off to a whole other person. Keeping fit and ensuring you get enough nutrients are much more important during pregnancy than any other time in your life. Put aside the other issues, although not of lesser importance, like baby names until you have created an action plan to make yourself healthy.
It is critical that you establish regular visits to a health practitioner such as an OB-GYN or midwife. You will need to work this in your schedule if you work out of the home. Your health practitioner will monitor your entire pregnancy from beginning to end and advise you of all of the routine testing you will need.
Put your questions on paper for every visit. Especially if you are a first timer, you will have questions for every visit. It is good to know now as well that you may have some waits when you visit your OB-GYN. These are on call doctors and babies are not always born after business hours as those in the waiting room would like. There are more full waiting rooms with empty doctor’s office at the OB clinic than in any other practice. Now would be a good time to think about baby names, when you have the time. Chances are your clinic will have a few books sitting around as well.
Prenatal vitamins are another must. And here, you need to purchase actual prenatal vitamins. Your little bambino needs them as much as you do, so you will be doubling up on the things you normally take. Folic acid is a biggie as well. Research shows that in folate deficient moms, there is a higher occurrence of spina bifida in babies. Start these as well before you pin down a baby name. That can wait, these can’t.
There are so many other factors involved in a woman’s health when she is pregnant. The time is now to get a doctor and start taking your vitamins. All of the other factors will fall into place eventually with both of these support systems in play.
The author Ajeet Khurana is a web enthusiast and recommends that you visit Meaning of Names at http://www.meaningofnames.in and Womens Health at http://www.womanshealth.info/ and Parenting at http://www.parentingtong.com