The Importance of Memorials in the Grieving Process
“You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.”
- Kahlil Gibran
Death comes knocking on every door, and we have no choice but to mourn silently while life passes away. The possibility of death is always with us. But in our rush to glorify the living, we turn a blind eye towards death. That is why we are so unprepared when death finally finds us – through someone we love, or in the course of our own journey.
One of the most painful things about death is that it is like a door, beyond which we have never seen. No one knows what happens on the other side, or if there is another side even. All we can do is stand on this side of the solemn door and wonder. It is because of this inconclusive nature of Death that most of us find it hard to accept it. If only we could know for certain that our dear ones are taken care of, that there is no pain any more, that there is a return to life, that we shall meet again.
One way to handle grief is to understand it. Another way to cope is to philosophize it. Reading books helps us do both. When we read about other people in grief, we discover that we are not alone and that what we are feeling is nothing new. It somehow helps take the edge out of the pang to know that others have traveled the same road before you. We also begin to see that there is a Grand Plan in life that cannot be defeated or postponed.
Suggested readings:
“I Can’t Stop Crying; It’s So Hard When Someone You Love Dies” – John D. Martin, Frank D. Ferris, Robert Buckman
Written by professionals dealing with death, loss and grief, this book is an invaluable reference book for those facing a crisis. The book contains practical examples that show the effect of grief on inter-personal relationships. It also explains the process of grieving and makes people understand that they have every right to feel whatever they do – be it anger, sadness or hopelessness. It even tells you how to ‘break’ the sad news upon other people and help them during those immediate hours of need.
“On Death and Dying” – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
According to one reader, only two groups of people need not read this masterpiece – those that are not mortal, and those that cannot read. For every one else (that’s you and me), this book is a must-read. The main aim of the book is to ’sensitize family members of terminally ill patients to the implicit communications of dying patients’. The interviews given in the book are, in the most part, by people who are facing death. After reading this book, you may begin to see that although death is not be a happy subject, it needn’t be a dark and menacing mystery any more.
“Safe Passage: Words to Help the Grieving Hold Fast and Let Go” – Molly Fumia.
The words of comfort offered in this book move the reader through the rough and raw emotions of pain, anger, guilt and hopelessness to acceptance and transformation. The book consists of short meditations that help you deal with and understand the various stages of grief. This book has been used by many as a mainstay of their lives when they were going through intense pain and loss.
“You Can Help Someone Who’s Grieving” – Victoria Frigo, Diane Fisher and Mary Lou Cook.
Filled with common sense advice on how to help a grieving friend, it addresses the problem of helping a friend through the grieving process. It clearly states why we feel so uncomfortable dealing with grief and comes out with practical suggestions on how to help.
Memorial Urns provides products and information that help people move forward after their loss. Please visit http://www.memorial-urns.com for affordable cremation urns and memorial gifts.
How to Pick The Perfect Arrangements
When a family has experienced bereavement, it’s a thoughtful and caring idea to send sympathy flowers. It also helps to express your love and concern for them during their time of loss. You can choose between sending flowers to the funeral or to the family’s home. Generally, you would send them to the funeral if you knew the deceased. It can also be a nice idea to send flowers to the family after the funeral is over, so that they know you are still thinking of them.
If you want to order some sympathy flowers, talking to your local florist is a great place to start. They deal with sympathy flowers almost every day, so can be a great source of information about what’s appropriate and which type of arrangement and flowers you should select. It’s always a good idea to include a message card with your flowers, so that the family can identify whom the flowers are from. Those few well-chosen words can also mean a great deal to them.
Flowers For The Funeral
There are a few different types of sympathy flowers that you can send to a funeral, and some which are usually supplied by the bereaved family. If the service is going to have an open casket, then there are usually small bouquets, garlands or wreaths placed on the inside of the casket lid. These are known as inside casket pieces, and are usually supplied by the family.
There’s also a casket cover required when the casket is closed, and again, the family usually supplies this. There are quarter, half, and full casket designs. The larger styles can take a while to create, so it’s important to order these well in advance of the funeral. If you were close to the deceased and would like to order a casket cover, check with the family first to see what they’ve ordered, because there may not be room on the casket for your sympathy flowers.
Many people choose a funeral basket for their sympathy flowers. These are baskets or vases of appropriate flowers, and are usually delivered to the funeral service. These are good because they can stand alone and don’t require any attention on the day of the funeral. Funeral sprays are also a popular choice. These are a larger arrangement, and are usually made using an easel and floral foam for support. You can choose any shape you like, although crosses are one of the most popular options.
You can also choose a wreath, and again, these are supported by an easel to help keep them upright. Although circular wreaths are more traditional, you can also opt for another shape, such as a heart, if it seems more appropriate. Both wreaths and flower sprays are delivered to the funeral service, and may be moved to the gravesite if appropriate.
Family Flowers
Sending sympathy flowers to the bereaved family is always welcome. There is a huge range of appropriate designs to choose from, with a simple bouquet of flowers being a good choice. You can choose to have your flowers delivered in a vase, which means the family can simply enjoy the flowers from the moment they arrive. Remember that the family will be busy on the day of the funeral, so flowers should be delivered in the days before or after the funeral.
If you want to offer some more durable sympathy flowers, then why not give the family a peace lily? It’s an attractive indoor plant, with glossy green leaves and beautiful white flowers. You can have one delivered, or give it to the family in person, and it’s a wonderful way to let the family know you’re thinking of them on an ongoing basis.
Steve Dolan loves flowers and flower arrangements. For the perfect flower arrangemet click http://www.funflowersonline.com/arrangements. For more floral information take a look at http://www.funflowersonline.com
Today, Millions Turn to the Simplicity and Savings of Cremation
It’s something no one wants to think about, but unfortunately, death is one of the most assured facts of life. There’s no way to avoid its eventuality forever, but there are ways to plan for its occurrence and help those who will remain behind deal with the circumstance with dignity and grace. For many, the best way to help their families after they’re gone is to ensure burial plans are in place. And, more and more, people are turning to cremation.
The choice between cremation and burial is a very personal one and some will flat out not desire this alternative. But those who do, cite the simplicity, cost savings, memorial possibilities and more as their reasons. In fact, nearly 30 percent of Americans are now choosing cremation over burials. There are more than 700,000 cremations performed in the U.S. a year with more than 1,700 crematories offering their services all over the country.
But, why choose cremation? There are a number of compelling reasons to go this route. They include:
* Less expense. While it’s true there’s nothing “cheap” in the funeral business, cremation is a lower-cost alternative. Since it doesn’t require the purchase of a plot of land or an expensive coffin, those who pick this route often say they do it to save their families unnecessary expense.
* Environmental reasons. Since there is no coffin or burial involved, the use of land doesn’t come into play with a cremation. The body is not placed in the earth along with items that might be detrimental to it.
* Personal choice. Many people prefer their families celebrate their lives and go back to their business as quickly as possible. Cremation can be a more low-key route to go without the need for large funeral processions and pomp and circumstance. The option, of course, is there if a family wants it though.
* Ability to release ashes. Many people are fond of the idea of having their ashes strewn at a favorite location. This is also a comforting act for the family to put their loved one’s ashes in a favorite spot, allowing them to “rest” where they’re comfortable for all eternity. Whether it’s the person’s own backyard or a mountainside in a distant location, the choice is present.
* Ceremony still possible. Although a casket and big burial ceremony won’t be necessary if this is the route chosen, a memorial service and a follow up service at the time of the ashes being strewn (if that’s the choice) are more than possible. The options with cremation are many and fall totally in the realm of personal preference.
It’s not a topic many want to discuss, but it’s one we’ll all face. As assured as taxes, death cannot be avoided forever. More and more people are turning to cremation as the answer for their final resting place. Allowing a little more freedom of choice than burial, this method is also more affordable for many.
Respecting a person’s last wishes is an important part of honoring a loved one. When cremation is the choice, those wishes can be very, very personal and detailed.
Cremation can offer benefits to families and loved ones. Make an educated choice.
http://www.cremationsite.com
Beautiful – A Mourning Glory Devotional
And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Matthew 22:39 NKJ
I have always loved this commandment mostly because it assumes we love ourselves. At the very least it seems to give us permission to feel good about ourselves and to treat ourselves well because then that is the standard for the treatment of others. I have rarely seen, in this day and age, the kind of love God would have us have for ourselves. I call it “God Esteem.” God’s vision of us and hope for us is always the most wonderful self-image conceivable. He made us and wants us to be the best we can be and love ourselves at any age.
It almost seems today as if “low self-esteem” is chic. If you don’t have it you’d better go looking for it. We are so controlled by external evaluation that there are very few ways to have any kind of esteem according to society norms. You can’t be too fat, too poor or too old or in modern, young parlance, “You can’t be too thin, too rich or too young.” Someone was telling me that models today, for the most part, are all washed up in their twenties. I think most of us buy into this lie. I feel it must grieve the Father that we can’t love ourselves at any age.
But once I did encounter what I believe was “God Esteem,” true “God Esteem.” Mama B, my mother-in-law, has always loved the Lord and believed that he forms us, physically as well, at every stage of our lives, and that he does a perfect job. It was late one night on vacation, and I had to get up to visit the bathroom, which my husband and I were sharing with Mama B, who was in the next bedroom.
The bathroom door was closed. I peeked into Mama B’s bedroom, and she was not there. I waited outside the bathroom door for a few minutes. I didn’t want to call out for fear of waking my husband. I tried to turn the knob softly. The door wasn’t locked. I pushed it open, and there was Mama B standing in front of the mirror in the dark. The moonlight was streaming through the window, and Mama B was standing directly in its light. The silver and white of her bobbed hair, shone like white and grey silk. She had on a very red lipstick which made her teeth aspirin white. She was smiling so broadly and peacefully that she radiated happiness. “You know what?” she asked me.
“No, what, Mama B?”
“I’m a beautiful old lady.”
We were silent for a few seconds, and then I looked at the striking mirror image and said, “You know what? You are.”
Since her death, when I remember this incident, I go to the mirror and try to say, “You are a beautiful middle-aged woman.” Oh yuk! I don’t mean a word of it, and you can tell by the surly frown in the mirror. I know Gwyneth Paltrow isn’t going to worry. But I also know Mama B was right. I know she had “God Esteem.”
Thank you, Lord, for giving us examples of the wisdom of some your saints which can give us great comfort and guidance in our grief. Our loved ones, who have died, not only live on in You, but in us. Thank you that I will think of Mama B and You every time I take a step toward God esteem.
Diana Burg is an author with several books. She writes novels, short stories, plays, screenplays and poetry. Her passion is writing.
Mourning Glory, A Devotional for Grieving is a book for those struggling through a loss and looking for support and comfort. http://www.amourningdevotional.com
51 Billion Dollar Industry
51 Billion Dollars and rising! Sounds like a company a wise investor should invest in. After all, having a piece of a 51 billion dollar industry is an exciting prospect, filled with anticipation for the future right? Not this time. This industry takes away any hope for the future. Any promise of potential greatness is dashed to the ground, becoming ashes and dust when people continue to invest in this business.
Warnings have been issued over the years advising people to avoid investing in this global industry. Still people chose to purchase the stock – some one share at a time, others in large quantities. Each time they invest even one dollar into this corporation, they participate in destroying their own lives as well as the dreams and aspirations of others. Family and friends are even forced into the role of unwitting participants.
The government has taken a stand, as well as various groups around the globe, making it harder for people to invest in this corporation. Still people chose to disregard the signs that will eventually lead to their own demise. They continue their dangerous path of destruction. Why? Why do well educated human beings choose a pathway that is known to cause heartache and utter despair in order to be part of 51 billion dollar industry?
Doesn’t this elusive business have enough of our hard earned money? As well as our personal blood, sweat and tears? I’m sure you’re probably wondering to yourselves “What industry can she possibly be writing about?” Perhaps you would like to know if you have somehow missed the hundreds of warnings that are issued each year about this industry. Well here is the answer: Have you ever gotten behind the wheel of a vehicle with any alcohol, even one drink in your system? If you have, then you have invested in the 51 billion dollar club.
It is estimated that each year 51 billion dollars is spent on alcohol related crashes. During 2003 (NHTSA 2004a), 17,013 deaths occurred in the U.S. alone because of alcohol impaired drivers. 2,136 of those deaths were children under the age of 14. These investors have killed the future. This represents nearly